Why isn’t everyone willing to be a good stepfather?

This website is an active participant in the Amazon Associate program, displaying affiliate links on both website and affiliated social media. We may earn a commission if you decide to make a purchase

As a professional matchmaker with over 15 years of experience in my career, I’ve witnessed numerous love stories and observed that some men are hesitant to marry a woman with a child from a previous marriage.

The statement that being a good stepfather is not for everyone could be supported by my experience. Even becoming a stepfather is not an option at all for many men.

In this article, I will share my personal observations and insights about the reasons why some men avoid situations where they could potentially become stepfathers.

I hope to shed light on the concerns, fears, and hopes that surround this topic of stepfatherhood, offering guidance and understanding to those who may be embarking on this journey.

Why are some men reluctant to marry women with kids? Why isn’t everyone willing to be a stepfather?

These are common questions raised by women who have children and hope to find a successful remarriage that includes their existing family. As a professional in the field of matchmaking, I confidently affirm that remarriage and raising children can indeed go hand in hand. It is realistic for a woman to remarry even if she has one or several children.

However, despite our optimistic perspective, there are certain aspects that women cannot ignore when searching for a life partner after having children from a previous marriage. While the causes of breakup and divorce may vary, their impact is often significant. 

  Why do some guys hesitate to become stepdads, and what’s behind the reluctance? Here is some reasons:

• Selfishness: One common reason of what’s holding them back to became a stepfather is rooted in selfishness. Men understand that a good mother always prioritizes her child above all else. A man may feel unprepared to compete with a child for his partner’s attention.  Perceiving that the woman prefers to spend more time with her child rather than with him.

• Limitations and Responsibilities: Another common concern for men is the limitations and responsibilities associated with building a relationship with a woman who has preschool or primary school-aged children. Such a relationship can impose constraints on their activities and limit their freedom to spend time together as desired. The presence of a child can significantly impact movement and decision-making. For example, spontaneous vacations may not be feasible due to the child’s school or extracurricular commitments. It requires careful planning around their schedule. A woman’s schedule is also influenced by her child’s education and routines. Activities such as romantic evening strolls under the moon may take a backseat to the usual bedtime rituals and reading sessions with the child. These factors can act as barriers for men who may not feel ready to become a stepfather and adapt to a more stable lifestyle devoid of impulsive desires. Men accustomed to indulging in spontaneous pleasures may find these adjustments challenging.

The psychological factors impacting men’s decision on stepfatherhood:       

• Acceptance and Rejection: The fear of a child not accepting a man as part of their family. Men often express concerns about potential rejection by the child. When a man takes on the role of stepfather, he invests a significant amount of energy, time, and financial resources into the woman’s child. In return, he expects to receive love, respect, and loyalty from the child. However, the process of parenting is filled with mood swings and moments of disobedience. Children, accustomed to their parents’ tolerance towards their behavior, may struggle to understand that a new man in their family may have a different perspective. Sharp retorts from a child, like “You are not my father; you have no right to teach me” or “Why should I obey you?” can create doubts in the man’s mind about his long-term role as a father.
  

Why do some men shy away from becoming stepdads?

• Challenges and Conflicts: Another significant reason why some men hesitate to marry a woman with a child is the likelihood of encountering problems and conflicts caused by the child, who becomes a third party in the relationship. In nearly 90% of such cases, the child tends to be skeptical of the new person entering their family, especially when they perceive that the new partner is diverting their mother’s attention.

• Jealousy and the fear of losing love and care from their mother often lead the child to exhibit a negative attitude towards the man. This factor may result in conflicts within the family. If the woman lacks wisdom and the man lacks patience, the probability of a breakup increases. Consequently, a man may come to believe that building a relationship with a woman who has a child is not realistic, while the woman may give up on finding love, dedicating her life solely to her child.

• Biological Father’s Influence: Men are aware that the child has a biological father. The biological father can exert influence and hold greater authority over the child’s life. This is particularly true when the biological father remains actively involved in the child’s life due to shared custody or visitation rights. Jealousy and reluctance to share a woman’s attention with her child’s father can hinder men interested in pursuing a relationship with her.

• Lack of Connection: Although less common, there are cases where a man fails to develop a connection with a woman’s child, resulting in a lack of affection or positive feelings toward her/him.

      Remarriage with children from the previous relationship is possible!

Discover what qualities men seek in a woman from a matchmaker’s perspective by reading this article.

Despite the logical and understandable reasons why remarriage with children may present challenges for women, love and successful marriages with happy families are still possible worldwide. A child, or even two or three children, should not hinder a woman’s prospects for happiness. It is both possible and attainable.

     The key to achieving the desired outcome of a harmonious marriage with a beloved partner lies in wisdom and a realistic understanding of the situation.